


The Witcher: Somebody Once Told Me

by LithiumBlossom



Category: Shrek (Movies), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Fantasy, Gen, Glasgow Fan Fic Open Mic Night, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:34:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22268764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LithiumBlossom/pseuds/LithiumBlossom
Summary: Geralt of Riva has been hired by villagers to slay a terrifying monster dwelling in a nearby swamp. The task becomes more complicated than expected when two fantasy icons clash.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	The Witcher: Somebody Once Told Me

**Author's Note:**

> This work was written for the Glasgow Fan fiction Open Mic Night. It was preformed live on the 14th January 2020.  
> I wish to thank Remi and Heather for giving me the idea.

Geralt of Rivia paced through the swamp, being careful to keep to dry hummocks that rose above the fetid water. Even as he remained alert for any sight or sound of his quarry he cursed his enhanced senses as he tried to ignore the stench. _I keep finding myself in places like this more and more_ , he thought bitterly to himself, _why can’t more monsters haunt a vineyard or somewhere more charming?_

A glow up ahead caught his eye. He focused his mind immediately, reminding himself of the potential danger of his quarry. The villagers had all been falling over themselves to recount the monstrous deeds it had committed. Saying it made soup from their skin, chewed upon livers and swallowed eyeballs. He crept forwards silently to investigate. The glow emanated from a ramshackle hut nestled in the root system of a broken stump of an oak tree.

“Hrmm,” Geralt murmured under his breath, “Someone has made themselves cosy here.”

It was then he heard the footsteps slowly closing in behind him. They were surprisingly delicate for what sounded like one so heavy, it was only his enhanced senses and the faint vibration of his wolfhead medallion that alerted him. He pivoted upon his heel towards his pursuer, hand going to the hilt of his silver sword. Something huge lunged out of the gloom towards him. It’s maw opened wide to reveal chisel like teeth as it roared loud and deep enough to make his bones vibrate. The reek of it’s breath was enough to overpower that of the swamp.

Acting on instinct Geralt danced backwards drawing his sword, the blade flashing even in the weak moonlight. He settled into a well-practiced ready stance and finally looked over the elusive monster he had been hired to slay. Despite their bow legs they were about eight feet tall and stocky, likely with as much muscles as fat. The monster had donned an alligator skin vest over rough-spun clothing that looked almost like a parody of the fearful villagers that had hired the Witcher. Two tube like ears protruded from the sides of it’s bulbous, thick browed head. However the most striking feature about the monster was its vividly green skin. _An ogre_ , he concluded in a heartbeat.

“This is the part where you are supposed to run away”, the ogre snarled mockingly with a strange burring accent.

Geralt maintained his ready stance, “I have been hired to slay you.”

“That is a problem,” the ogre shrugged his broad shoulders, “I’m not interested in dying.”

“Yes, that would complicate our relationship.”

That was enough to elicit a dry chuckle from the ogre who immediately charged forwards, swinging a massive fist at the Witcher. Geralt swiftly ducked under the swing and rolled aside. Rising from his roll he thrust a hand forwards, making the aard symbol. A wall of mystical force slammed into the ogre who grunted as he staggered, barely keeping his footing. Geralt lunged forwards, swinging his sword down at the ogre while he judged him off balance. Yet the green skinned giant was faster than he anticipated and he thrust another hand out at the Witcher. Meaty fingers closed around his head and the world span as the ogre hurled him overhead to the ground. The air burst from Geralt’s lungs with the impact, cushioned as it was by the soft ground of the swamp. Adrenaline surged through Geralt as he saw the ogre leaping at him, hoping to crush him under his landing bulk. He was barely able to roll aside in time as he felt the creature impact where he had been lying merely moments before.

Both combatants pulled themselves upright, facing each other again.

“Get out ma swamp!” the green ogre yelled at Geralt with a frustrated swing of his arm, “I just want to be left alone!”

“Alright,” Geralt conceded, lowering his guard.

“Well you can jus-“ the ogre blinked in surprise at the quick surrender, “What?”

“I am a Witcher, hired to slay monsters. And you are no monster, you just want some privacy.”

“Oh,” they said awkward, unsure what to do next, “That’s decent of you I guess.”

“Don’t mention it, people get the wrong idea about me all the time,” the Witcher said, sheathing his sword, “I am Geralt of Riva. Do you have a name, ogre?”

The ogre shrugged a shoulder and gave a crooked, confused grin, “Shrek.”


End file.
